Friday, September 15, 2006

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of thecar in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.This was the scene ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets weresteadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at thesame time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.Dew came into my life.It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was theapartment I bought for her.Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said,Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so.I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, becauseI had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible tome.However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then wewatched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparentlyshe believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide somethingwhile talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt inher eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topiccalmly.She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made herangry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly giveher a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glancedat it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But Icould not take back what I had said.Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce whichhad obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I foundshe was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in themonth's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn'twant him to see our marriage was broken.She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? Thisquestion suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, Ihave a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out fromthe bedroom to the door every morning.I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face theresult of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when Icarried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a senseof pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly,Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove tothe office.On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. Irealized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. Thevisualization of Dew became vague.On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. Inodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She waspicking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses havegrown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. Iknew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential partof his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the lastminute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. Iheld her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in yourarms until we are old.I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened thedoor. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can onlysay sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't loveeach other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old.So I have to say sorry to you.Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. Ismiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

An Interesting Methodology

"The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held any fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like the taste. To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish. The frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving. They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference. Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste. The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish. So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem? How do they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan ? If you were consulting the fish industry, what would you recommend?As soon as you reach your goals, such as finding a wonderful mate, starting a successful company, paying off your debts or whatever, you might lose your passion. You don't need to work so hard so you relax.
You experience the same problem as lottery winners who waste their money, wealthy heirs who never grow up and bored homemakers who get addicted to prescription drugs. Like the Japanese fish problem, the best solution is simple. It was observed by L. Ron Hubbard in the early 1950's. "Man thrives, oddly enough, only in the presence of a challenging environment."- L. Ron Hubbard
The Benefits of a Challenge:

The more intelligent, persistent and competent you are, the more you enjoy a good problem. If your challenges are the correct size, and if you are steadily conquering those challenges, you are happy. You think of your challenges and get energized. You are excited to try new solutions. You have fun. You are alive!
How Japanese Fish Stay Fresh:To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks. But now they add a small shark to each tank. The shark eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state. The fish are challenged. Recommendations:Instead of avoiding challenges, jump into them. Beat the heck out of them. Enjoy the game. If your challenges are too large or too numerous, do not give up. Failing makes you tired. Instead, reorganize. Find more determination, more knowledge, more help. If you have met your goals, set some bigger goals. Once you meet your personal or family needs, move onto goals for your group, the society, even mankind. Don't create success and lie in it. You have resources, skills and abilities to make a difference.
So, put a shark in your tank and see how far you can really go!"