Friday, May 23, 2008

Actual Naval Radio Transcript

The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995,between a US Navy ship and the British authorities off the north coast of Scotland.
The transcript was released by the MoD on the 10/10/96

BRITISH:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South. to avoid collision.

US NAVY:
Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid collision .

BRITISH:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision

US NAVY:
This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

BRITISH:
Negative. I say again: divert your course.

US NAVY:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER 'USS LINCOLN', THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

BRITISH:
We are a lighthouse. FUCK OFF!

No Sex since 1955 ....

No SEX since 1955 A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955." The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

Car insurance claim void - Car Stolen (Malaysia)

This is a real story, my nephew told me, & I would like to share with all of you. Be careful, if u hv the habit of sending yr car for car wash or similar matter (car jockey etc) while in shopping complex...Two weeks ago my nephew sent his Toyota Harrier for car wash in the car park of Bangsar Shopping Complex while he had an appointment there. He handed the car keys to the car wash people n left he car park for his appointment.After the appointment he went to collect his car, & the car wash people told him that his car had been collected. How CAN??? After a prolonged argument without any results, he had no choice, but to make a police report... n follow up by insurance claim...Insurance company rejected his claim 'cos the reason is the car was not stolen, the point of contention was why did he hand over the car keys to someone unknown, n why did he not wait there till the car washing was finished...???
So, be careful next time. If u really need to send yr car for car wash, better stay there and wait for yr car, if not, this may happen to you...
ALWAYS GET AN OFFICIAL RECIEPT LIKE YOU DO WHEN YOU SENT YOUR CAR FOR SERVICING AT HONDA, PROTON, TOYOTA... DON'T PLAY THE FOOL.