Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Sex With Car Called Mistress (Hillarious Car Ad!)

Best divorce letter ever!

Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your shows.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-wife

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to Spain together! Have a great life!


Dear EX-wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my shows so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a boy'! Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my brother, because I stopped eating meat seven years ago.

About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the £49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty quid from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lottery for ten million pounds, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica .

But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a penny from me. So take care.

Your EX-husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Caroline. I hope that's not a problem.

A useful message for the soul

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package: 'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.' He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box. 'She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on, was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said: 'Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion'. I still think those words changed my life. Now I read more and clean less.I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day... I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions; I use it whenever I want to. The words 'Someday...' and 'One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come. I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... that I wanted to write 'One of these days'. I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brother and sisters, son and daughters, not times enough at least, how much I love them. Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives..
And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day.. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special. If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about. If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it 'One of these days', remember that 'One day' is far away... or might never come...

Why is wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger?

This is interesting. Try it out !

Why should the wedding ring be worn on the fourth finger?
There is a beautiful and convincing explanation given by the Chinese.....

Thumb represents your Parents
Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings
Middle finger represents your-Self
Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner
& the Last (Little) finger represents your children

Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers and hold them
together - back to back
Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the thumb - tip to tip

Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)..., they will open,
because your parents are not destined to live with you lifelong, and have to l
eave you sooner or later.
Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers (representing
siblings)...., they will also open, because your brothers and sisters will have their
own families and will have to lead their own separate lives.

Now join the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (representing your
children)...., they will open too, because the children also will get married and
settle down on their own some day.

Finally, join your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring fingers (representing
your spouse).
You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT....., because Husband & Wife
have to remain together all their lives - through thick and thin!!

Please try this out......... ....
ISN'T THIS A LOVELY THEORY? or should I say a practical DEMONSTRATION. ...!!

'No Arms, No Legs, No Worries! (Amazing Story!)

My name is Nick Vujicic and I was born without limbs and doctors have no medical explanation for this birth 'defect'. As you can imagine, I was faced with many challenges and obstacles.
Their firstborn son had been born without limbs! There were no warnings or time to prepare themselves for it. The doctors we shocked and had no answers at all! There is still no medical reason why this had happened and Nick now has a Brother and Sister who were born just like any other baby. I know that there is no such thing as luck, chance or coincidence that these 'bad' things happen in our life. I had complete peace knowing that God won't let anything happen to us in our life unless God has a good purpose for it all I am now twenty-threeyears old and have completed a Bachelor of Commerce majoring in Financial Planning and Accounting. I am also a motivational speaker and love to go out and share my story and testimony wherever opportunities become available. I have developed talks to relate to and encourage students through topics that challenge today's teenagers. I am also a speaker in the corporate sector. I have a passion for reaching out to youth and keep myself available for whatever God wants me to do, and wherever He leads, I follow.
Writing several best-selling books has been one of my dreams and I hope to finish writing my first by the end of the year. It will be called 'No Arms, No Legs, No Worries!' ? I believe that if you have the desire and passion to do something, and if it's God's will, you will achieve it in good time. As humans, we continually put limits on ourselves for no reason at all! What's worse is putting limits on God who can do all things. We put God in a 'box'. The awesome thing about the Power of God, is that if we want to do something for God, instead of focusing on our capability, concentrate on our availability for we know that it is God through us and we can't do anything without God. Once we make ourselves available for God's work, guess whose capabilities we rely on? God's! ? ?

40 Tips for A Better Life

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day..
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. GOD heals everything.
28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
29. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
30. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
31. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
32. The best is yet to come.
33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
34. Do the right thing!
35. Call your family often.
36. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
37. Each day give something good to others.
38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

Reasons Y U Should leave office sharp

Human Body Facts

The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will probably leave you wondering why we were designed by our Creator the way we are. Of course, His way is always the right one......

-Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

-T he largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

-You use 200 muscles to take one step.

-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.

-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

-A human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia

-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than
men with hair on their chests.

-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

-There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born

-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the
test...now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as

Why women in China do not get breast cancer

Giving up milk is the key to beating breast cancerBy Prof. Jane Plant, PhD, CBE(Extracted from 'Your Life in Your Hands,' by Professor Jane Plant)I had no alternative but to die or to try to find a cure for myself. I am a scientist - surely there was a rational explanation for thiscruel illness that affects one in 12 women in the UK ?I had suffered the loss of one breast, and undergone radiotherapy. I was now receiving painful chemotherapy, and had been seen by some of the country's most eminent specialists. But, deep down, I felt certain I was facing death. I had a loving husband, a beautiful home and two young children to care for. I desperately wanted to live.
Fortunately, this desire drove me to unearth the facts, some of whichwere known only to a handful of scientists at the time.Anyone who has come into contact with breast cancer will know thatcertain risk factors - such as increasing age, early onset ofwomanhood, late onset of menopause and a family history of breast cancer - are completely out of our control. But there are many riskfactors, which we can control easily.These 'controllable' risk factors readily translate into simple changes that we can all make in our day-to-day lives to help preventor treat breast cancer. My message is that even advanced breast cancercan be overcome because I have done it.The first clue to understanding what was promoting my breast cancercame when my husband Peter, who was also a scientist, arrived back from working in China while I was being plugged in for a chemotherapysession.He had brought with him cards and letters, as well as some amazingherbal suppositories, sent by my friends and science colleagues in China .The suppositories were sent to me as a cure for breast cancer. Despitethe awfulness of the situation, we both had a good belly laugh, and Iremember saying that this was the treatment for breast cancer inChina , then it was little wonder that Chinese women avoided gettingthe disease.Those words echoed in my mind. Why didn't Chinese women in China getbreast cancer? I had collaborated once with Chinese colleagues on astudy of links between soil chemistry and disease, and I remembered some of the statistics.The disease was virtually non-existent throughout the whole country.Only one in 10,000 women in China will die from it, compared to thatterrible figure of one in 12 in Britain and the even grimmer averageof one in 10 across most Western countries. It is not just a matter ofChina being a more rural country, with less urban pollution. In highly urbanized Hong Kong , the rate rises to 34 women in every 10,000 but still puts the West to shame..
The Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki have similar rates. Andremember, both cities were attacked with nuclear weapons, so inaddition to the usual pollution-related cancers, one would also expectto find some radiation-related cases, too.The conclusion we can draw from these statistics strikes you with some force. If a Western woman were to move to industrialized, irradiated Hiroshima , she would slash her risk of contracting breast cancer byhalf.Obviously this is absurd. It seemed obvious to me that some lifestylefactor not related to pollution, urbanization or the environment isseriously increasing the Western woman's chance of contracting breastcancer.I then discovered that whatever causes the huge differences in breast cancer rates between oriental and Western countries, it isn't genetic.Scientific research showed that when Chinese or Japanese people move to the West, within one or two generations their rates of breast cancer approach those of their host community.The same thing happens when oriental people adopt a completely Western lifestyle in Hong Kong . In fact, the slang name for breast cancer inChina translates as 'Rich Woman's Disease'. This is because, in China ,only the better off can afford to eat what is termed ' Hong Kong food'.The Chinese describe all Western food, including everything from ice cream and chocolate bars to spaghetti and feta cheese, as ' Hong Kong food', because of its availability in the former British colony and its scarcity, in the past, in mainland China .So it made perfect sense to me that whatever was causing my breastcancer and the shockingly high incidence in this country generally, itwas almost certainly something to do with our better-off, middle-class, Western lifestyle.There is an important point for men here, too. I have observed in myresearch that much of the data about prostate cancer leads to similar conclusions.
According to figures from the World Health Organization, the number ofmen contracting prostate cancer in rural China is negligible, only 0.5men in every 100,000. In England , Scotland and Wales , however, thisfigure is 70 times higher. Like breast cancer, it is a middle-class disease that primarily attacks the wealthier and higher socio-economicgroups, those that can afford to eat rich foods.I remember saying to my husband, 'Come on Peter, you have just comeback from China . What is it about the Chinese way of life that is so different?'Why don't they get breast cancer?'We decided to utilize our joint scientific backgrounds and approach it logically.We examined scientific data that pointed us in the general directionof fats in diets. Researchers had discovered in the 1980s that onlyl4% of calories in the average Chinese diet were from fat, compared to almost 36% in the West.But the diet I had been living on for years before I contracted breastcancer was very low in fat and high in fiber. Besides, I knew as a scientist that fat intake in adults has not been shown to increaserisk for breast cancer in most investigations that have followed largegroups of women for up to a dozen years.Then one day something rather special happened. Peter and I haveworked together so closely over the years that I am not sure which oneof us first said: 'The Chinese don't eat dairy produce!'It is hard to explain to a non-scientist the sudden mental andemotional 'buzz' you get when you know you have had an important insight. It's as if you have had a lot of pieces of a jigsaw in yourmind, and suddenly, in a few seconds, they all fall into place and the whole picture is clear.Suddenly I recalled how many Chinese people were physically unable totolerate milk, how the Chinese people I had worked with had always said that milk was only for babies, and how one of my close friends, who is of Chinese origin, always politely turned down the cheese course at dinner parties.
I knew of no Chinese people who lived a traditional Chinese life who ever used cow or other dairy food to feed their babies. The traditionwas to use a wet nurse but never, ever, dairy products.Culturally, the Chinese find our Western preoccupation with milk andmilk products very strange. I remember entertaining a large delegation of Chinese scientists shortly after the ending of the Cultural Revolution in the 1980s.On advice from the Foreign Office, we had asked the caterer to providea pudding that contained a lot of ice cream. After inquiring what thepudding consisted of, all of the Chinese, including their interpreter, politely but firmly refused to eat it, and they could not be persuaded to change their minds.At the time we were all delighted and ate extra portions!Milk, I discovered, is one of the most common causes of food allergies. Over 70% of the world's population are unable to digest themilk sugar, lactose, which has led nutritionists to believe that thisis the normal condition for adults, not some sort of deficiency.Perhaps nature is trying to tell us that we are eating the wrong food.Before I had breast cancer for the first time, I had eaten a lot of dairy produce, such as skimmed milk, low-fat cheese and yoghurt. I hadused it as my main source of protein. I also ate cheap but lean minced beef, which I now realized was probably often ground-up dairy cow.In order to cope with the chemotherapy I received for my fifth case of cancer, I had been eating organic yoghurts as a way of helping my digestive tract to recover and repopulate my gut with 'good' bacteria.Recently, I discovered that way back in 1989 yoghurt had been implicated in ovarian cancer. Dr Daniel Cramer of Harvard Universitystudied hundreds of women with ovarian cancer, and had them record indetail what they normally ate. wish I'd been made aware of his findings when he had first discovered them.Following Peter's and my insight into the Chinese diet, I decided to give up not just yoghurt but all dairy produce immediately. Cheese,butter, milk and yoghurt and anything else that contained dairy
produce - it went down the sink or in the rubbish.It is surprising how many products, including commercial soups,biscuits and cakes, contain some form of dairy produce. Even manyproprietary brands of margarine marketed as soya, sunflower or olive oil spreads can contain dairy produce.I therefore became an avid reader of the small print on food labels.Up to this point, I had been steadfastly measuring the progress of myfifth cancerous lump with calipers and plotting the results. Despite all the encouraging comments and positive feedback from my doctors andnurses, my own precise observations told me the bitter truth.My first chemotherapy sessions had produced no effect - the lump was still the same size.Then I eliminated dairy products. Within days, the lump started toshrink.About two weeks after my second chemotherapy session and one week after giving up dairy produce, the lump in my neck started to itch.Then it began to soften and to reduce in size. The line on the graph, which had shown no change, was now pointing downwards as the tumor got smaller and smaller.And, very significantly, I noted that instead of declining exponentially (a graceful curve) as cancer is meant to do, the tumor's decrease in size was plotted on a straight line heading off the bottom of the graph, indicating a cure, not suppression (orremission) of the tumor.One Saturday afternoon after about six weeks of excluding all dairyproduce from my diet, I practiced an hour of meditation then felt for what was left of the lump. I couldn't find it. Yet I was very experienced at detecting cancerous lumps - I had discovered all fivecancers on my own.. I went downstairs and asked my husband to feel my neck. He could not find any trace of the lump either.On the following Thursday I was due to be seen by my cancer specialistat Charing Cross Hospital in London . He examined me thoroughly, especially my neck where the tumor had been. He was initially bemused
and then delighted as he said, 'I cannot find it.'None of my doctors, it appeared, had expected someone with my type andstage of cancer (which had clearly spread to the lymph system) tosurvive, let alone be so hale and hearty.My specialist was as overjoyed as I was. When I first discussed my ideas with him he was understandably skeptical. But I understand thathe now uses maps showing cancer portality in China in his lectures, and recommends a non-dairy diet to his cancer patients.I now believe that the link between dairy produce and breast cancer issimilar to the link between smoking and lung cancer.. I believe that identifying the link between breast cancer and dairy produce, and thendeveloping a diet specifically targeted at maintaining the health of my breast and hormone system, cured me.It was difficult for me, as it may be for you, to accept that a substance as 'natural' as milk might have such ominous health implications. But I am a living proof that it works and, starting fromtomorrow, I shall reveal the secrets of my revolutionary action plan.Extracted from Your Life in Your Hands, by Professor Jane Plant. (PIA)