Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Chopping Down The Cherry Tree (Malaysian Politcial Joke!)

Legend has it that George Washington, America's first president,
chopped
down a cherry tree in his youth. The story goes that George gives the
tree
a good swing and chops it down with an axe. His father sees the damaged
tree and asks his son if he knows who did the deed. George is quoted
bravely admitting the truth:
'I can't tell a lie, Pa; you know I can't tell a lie. I did cut it with
my
axe.'

Below is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have
reacted to the question:

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi - 'I did not cut down the tree , I was just taking
a
nap underneath it.'
Najib Razak - 'I swear that I have never MET that tree.'
Hishamuddin Hussein Onn- '...but I only own a keris ,not axe, how to cut
down the tree?'
Dr Mahathir Mohamd - 'Apa nama cherry tree, yes, I chopped it down
because,
I don't like the idea of Pak lah sleeping under it.'
Chua Soi Lek - 'Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.'
VK Lingam - 'It could be me, it might have been me but I don't think its
me.'
Anwar Ibrahim - 'I did NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA sample for
you to plant on the axe handle.'
Mohd Khir Toyo - 'The new state government should just trim the grass
and
not waste time asking who cut the tree.'
Ahmad Said (Terengganu MB) - 'I chopped it because cherry trees are more
expensive to maintain than durian trees.'
Azalina Othman - 'The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU
so I
cut it down and besides there were unauthorised signboards put up around
the tree.'
Shabery Cheek - 'I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.'
S Samy Velu - 'I chopped it because Hindraf members were using it as a
meeting point.
Wira Ali Rustam - 'We have planted durian trees for 50 years and we will
plant them for another 50 years, we do not need cheery trees, apple
trees ,
pear trees and all these other foreign trees.'
Rais Yatim - 'You must see the bigger picture, Ahmad said cherry trees
are
expensive to maintain, Ali Rustam said that are against our national
identity and I needed to test my new axe, so you see, it is a WIN-WIN
situation all around.'
Sharir Samad - 'I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to
subsidise it.'
Karpal Singh - 'The bigfoot creature did it.'
Bung Mokhtar - 'The big monkey did it'
Pandikar Amin Mulia - 'There is nothing in the standing orders against
chopping cherry trees. Kinabatangan duduk, Bukit Gelugor duduk .
Khairy Jamaluddin - I did not do it, neither did the Mat Rempits. By
the
way, what's a cherry tree?'
Lim Kit Siang - 'Cherry tree also you don't know, you are an insult to
Oxford!'
Nazri Abdul Aziz - 'Racist, racist, racist! When we cut down durian
trees
nobody made a fuss. Now...'

Malaysian Citizens - 'Oh for heavens sake! Somebody plant something
before
we all starve to death!'

Model Sues Doctor!


Model sues plastic surgeon in Mexico for not making her nipples even after a breast implant. The doctor said, 'They looked good to me!'

Festival Season (Joke)

A sophisticated looking Indian lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated lady in his shop, runs over immediately and asks if he could help her.

To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her silk sari and points to her right inner thigh - very high up. 'Right here,' she says, 'I want you to tattoo a clay lamp and underneath it I want the word Diwali.'

Then she points to her left thigh just as high up and says, 'On this side, I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and an angel on top and underneath it I want the word Christmas.'

The owner looks at her. 'Ooh, lady, it's none of my business, but that is probably the most unusual request I've ever heard. Why in the world do you want to do that?

'Well,' the lady said, 'I'm sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's never anything good to enjoy between Diwali and Christmas.

Robbery Tactics! (Must Read)

(1) Today I passed by a building which has an ATM machine. There was an old man looking at me and suddenly called me. He said he doesn't know how to read, so he gave me an ATM card and asked me to help him take money from the ATM machine. I answered him 'NO!! If you need help, ask the security to help you.' Then he said 'never mind..." and just continue to find other people to help him...REMEMBER: ATM machines have CCTV. If you help him, and later he says you have robbed him or stole his ATM card or even his ATM card wasn't his too. So please be careful for these frauds.

(2) When the house electricity suddenly goes off, seeing from the windows that my neighbors still have lights went out my house to check the Meter Box. But once I open the door, a knife was pointing at the door to stop me from closing it. And they robbed and injured us. REMEMBER: Even though your electricity suddenly goes off, DO NOT opens ur door immediately. Look around to see if there is anything unusual or sounds.


(3) This is another story. You think you had heard it before, but this is slightly different. It's about a girl, she saw a kid by the roadside crying. When she asked the kid, the kid said he was lost and wanted her to take him home. The kid even gave her a paper which he said it was his house address. So she took him home. But when she rings the bell on the door. She was shocked by pressing electric. Once she woke up, she was naked in an empty room. REMEMBER: Being such a compassion person might not be a good thing. Pass this on and girls, especially, please be careful. AND DON'T BE TOO GOOD!!

(4) One day, there was an old lady outside my house holding 2 packets of sweets. At first I thought she was our neighbor and wanted to give us these packs of sweets as a gift. But then when she talks, I can hear that she is a foreigner I guess, because I don't really understand what she is talking about. But I know that she is asking for money. And it just feels that there's something wrong. I immediately closed the door and ignored her.

(5) I was at the ATM machine to take my money. Behind me, there was an old lady asked me whether I'm able to take my money or not, because she said there's a button might be spoiled, and I don't know since when a small girl came beside me. The small girl was squeezing to my side but I didn't notice, I thought she was just naughty and playful. But then, the small girl put her hand at the hole of the ATM machine where the money comes out, ready to take my money. I felt something wrong and immediately push the small girl away. Then I thought, the small girl and the old lady cooperate together to take my money. The old lady distracted me so that the small girl can take my money away. REMEMBER: Be VERY CAREFUL when you are at an ATM machine and be alert for anyone suspicious around you.

(6) My parents are retired and they stay at home. One afternoon, there was a young stranger said his motorcycle has no more petrol and the petrol station is too far, it's hard to push the motorcycle for such a long distance, so he asked my parents for an empty coke bottle to buy petrol. He said he will pay 2, 3 bucks for it. So my mum took one coke bottle for him. He really did take out money from his pocket, but it was a RM 100 note, and even let my mum to find change for him. But luckily my mum was smart; she said just take and go. REMEMBER: obviously that note is fake!! Who would want to pay for a stupid empty coke bottle!! It's OBVIOUS to know that that stranger is a fraud!!

(7) This happened in Bali. A newly married couple was having their honeymoon at the hotel. When both are in the changing room, the wife suddenly gone missing. The husband was very anxious and went around finding her. He asked the hotel staffs to help him find her too. Then he thought his wife was just playing hide and seek or what. So he went back and waited for his wife. After a few hours, he decided to call the police. 3 weeks has passed, there were no news honeymoon just ended up like that. He was so disappointed and has no mood to work and so he went to travel to other places. Few years later, he came back to Bali, to watch 'FREAK SHOW' in an old house. He saw a dirty and rusty metal cage; there was a lady without limbs, body including the face, full of scars. When she was distorted on the ground, she gives out a sound of a monster-like voice. When he saw her face, he was shocked. He could not recognize the face anymore, her missing wife's face with a red birthmark.

(8) This happened in shanghai. Few yeas ago, a girl reported to the police that her cousin sister was missing in the shopping complex. But after 5 years, one of her friend found her cousin sister begging beside one of the street in Bangkok, Thailand. The worst thing is that her cousin sister has no more limbs and her body is tied to a lamp post with a Shackle (metal chain).

(9) Let's just shorten this story. DO NOT open your house door when you hear some sound of a BABY CRYING!! It might be a trap! Women in the house must be alert in this case. The police said it will be a murderer using a recorder with de baby crying sound to attract your attention. This normally happens at night and when you are only alone in the house. GIRLS, especially, please be careful.

(10) I read an email that was sent by my friend. Her friend, who is known as A, went to Luo Hu Commercial City with 2 friends, B and C. Luo Hu Commercial City is Shenzhen counterfeit goods distribution center, there are many people there, its also near to the Shenzhen train station and Hong Kong's Luo Hu Port. Its says, C wants to go to the toilet. So A and B waited outside. But then after they waited for so long, they felt weird and went into the toilet to ask her to hurry up. But once they went in, there were nobody inside there. Both were scared as they called C's phone but no one answered. So they called the police. The police asked them whether they had seen anybody suspicious went into the toilet. Both said there were none and it's impossible to bring an alive person with more than 100 pounds out of the toilet without them noticing. Then A remember there was a cleaner pushing a trolley in, and then came back out...the police told them this is not the 1st time happening. The police have already suspected a gang of criminals that always attacks the toilet in a complex where many people are. They use cleaners to kidnap or trafficking in human organs. REMEMBER: please be careful when using the toilet. For anybody, not only girls, boys too!! Do not go to the wash room or toilet ALONE!! Please at least have a partner with you.

How to Deal With Kitchen Fire!

Good stuff to know..
I never realized that a wet dishcloth can be a one size
fits all lid to cover a fire in a pan!

This is a dramatic video (30-second, very short) about how
to deal with a common kitchen fire .... oil in a frying pan.

Read the following introduction, then watch the show ....
It's a real eye-opener!!

At the Fire Fighting Training School they would demonstrate
this with a deep fat fryer set on the fire field.
An instructor would don a fire suit and,
using an 8 oz cup at the end of a 10 foot pole,
toss water onto the grease fire.
The results got the attention of the students.

The water, being heavier than oil, sinks to the bottom
where it instantly becomes superheated. The explosive force of the steam blows the burning oil up and out. On the open field, it became a thirty foot high fireball that resembled a
nuclear blast.
Inside the! confines of a kitchen, the fire ball hits the ceiling
and fills the entire room.

Also, do not throw sugar or flour on a grease fire.
One cup creates the explosive force of two sticks of
dynamite.
This is a powerful message----watch the video and don't
forget what you see. Tell your whole family about this video.
Or better yet, send this to them.

Northern Lights over Yellow Knife Canada