Sunday, December 28, 2008

BLACK ROBBERS (A True Story)

On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine.

She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room. 'I'll be right back and we'll go to eat' she told her husband and carried the coin-laden bucket to the elevator.

As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black. One of them was very tall and had an intimidating figure. The woman froze. Her first thought was: 'These two are going to rob me.'

Her next thought was: 'Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen.' But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed.

A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased! The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her.
'My God' she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed!

Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then one of the men said, 'Hit the floor.'

Instinct told her to do what they told her.

The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator floor. A shower of coins rained down on her.

'Take my money and spare me', she prayed.

More seconds passed. She heard one of the men say politely, 'Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button.'

The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh. The woman lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up.

Confused, she struggled to her feet. 'When I told my friend here to hit the floor,' said the average sized one, I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am.'


He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.

The woman thought: 'My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself.'

She was too humiliated to speak. The three of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket.

When the elevator arrived at her floor they then insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor.

At her door they bid her a good evening.

As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter as they walked back to the elevator.

The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room; a dozen roses.

Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred-dollar bill.

The card said: 'Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years.



It was signed: Eddie Murphy & Michael Jordan.

Intelligent Parrot (Joke!)

A guy is browsing in a pet
shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have
any feet
or legs. The guy says aloud, ' Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this
parrot?
'

The parrot says, ' I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.
'

' Holy crap, ' the guy replies. ' You actually understood and
answered me! '

' I got every word, ' says the parrot. ' I happen to
be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird '

' Oh yeah? ' the
guy asks, ' Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch
without any
feet? '

' Well, ' the
parrot says, ' this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap
my
weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it
because
of my feathers. '

'
Wow, ' says the guy. ' You really can understand and speak English
can't
you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I
can companion. '

The guy looks at the $200.00 price
tag. ' Sorry, but I just can't afford that. '

' Pssssssst, ' says the
parrot, 'I' m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I
don't have
any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an
offer!
'

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go
by. The parrot is sensational.. He has a great sense of humor, he's
interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he
sympathizes,
and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the
guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, ' Psssssssssssst, '
and
motions him over with one wing. ' I don't know if I should tell you
this or
not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man.. '

' What are you talking about? ' asks the
guy.

' When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted
him at the door in a sheer black nightie. '

' WHAT??? ' the guy asks incredulously.. '
THEN what happened? '

' Well, then the UPS man
came into the house and
lifted up her nightie and
began petting her all over, ' reported the parrot.

' NO! ' he
exclaims. ' And she let him? '

' Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his
knees
and began to kiss her all over.... '

Then the frantic guy demands, ' THEN WHAT HAPPENED? '

'
Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch! '

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue

STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters.... S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word.
I agree.

If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.
Seriously..

Please read:

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a ! friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) .she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening

Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this...

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke... totally . He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for wi! thin 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read
and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S * Ask the individual to SMILE.

T * Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today)

R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue


NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other , that is also an indication of a stroke.

It's a Beautiful Under Water World
























Remember to put the Glass Down

Study this small story, Hope that makes a BIG change in YOU

Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students
"How much do you think this glass weighs?"

'50gms!' ..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.



"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is:

What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"

'Nothing' …..the students said.

'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.

'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student

"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"

"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!"
….. ventured another student & all the students laughed

"Very good.

But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?"
asked the professor.

'No'…. Was the answer.

"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"

The students were puzzled.

"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.

"Put the glass down!" said one of the students

"Exactly!" said the professor.

Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.

Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep..

That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!


So, when you leave office today,
Remember friend to
'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY! '

Ellen Degeneres & Portia de Rossi - LESBIAN MARRIAGE CELEBRITY