Thursday, September 17, 2009

It Ain't Easy Being a Dick

A Lawyer's Letter

Brilliant legal wrangling !
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client who lost his house in
Hurricane Katrina and wanted to rebuild.
He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title
to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the
property dated back to 1803, and took the Lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we
note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we
compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the
application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the
proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be
accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows

(Actual Letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note
that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by
the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this
country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know
that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of
origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed
FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. Ownership was obtained
from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.

The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the
year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted
the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch,
Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as
careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the
blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus'

Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the
Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.

Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of
the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin
and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we
know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be
satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"

He got the loan.

Thanks to ASL for your contri..:)

320 Pound Woman!

What does a 320 pound woman look like?
Now, before you scroll down to look at her pictures,
get a mental image of what you think a woman who weighs 320 looks like...

Not exactly what you were expecting is it??

The tallest and best proportioned woman in the world lives in Holland.

She is 7'4" and weighs 320

What a relief! Now we ALL know we aren't overweight;
we're just too short!

I knew it!;-)

Thanks to ASL for your contri!..:)